


until im okay again

by yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway



Category: In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Growth, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Partners to Lovers, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway/pseuds/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway
Summary: Benny learns that people love him. He falls in love a little.
Relationships: Benny/Usnavi (In the Heights)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	until im okay again

**Author's Note:**

> ill get on my computer to tag alma in this later, but:
> 
> \- this is following the plot of the in the heights workshop! please give that a listen. 
> 
> \- the first and second parts are from post benny moves out.
> 
> \- the rest? post canon.

Benny's first time is in Usnavi's apartment, with Usnavi himself. 

They're eighteen, they're young. It doesn't matter to Benjamin anymore - he'll never be young again, and he needs  _ something.  _ Something to keep him alive for the moment. To rejuvenate him, set his blood on fire and help him shut out the rest of the world. 

He's gone. Gone from the clutches of his mother. Usnavi is the last person on his side, warm and safe and some form of human flesh. Benny clutches onto him like a lifeline. He's never done this before. 

Benny kisses him. It's his first kiss, both of their first kisses, and it's pathetic because he's been dodging this for so long. He's lost this part of him, giving it to Usnavi painfully. Only proving his mother's points that one day, he'll heart will be broken. 

They've both seen videos. Usnavi unbuttons his shirt with preciseness Benny wants as they grind against each other sloppily. Friction drives out every other burning thought and regret he has undergoing this. 

When they settle down, Usnavi is a notable weight, draped over his back. Preventing him from leaving. Grounding him into reality. Benjamin feels the rise and fall of Navi's chest, breath warm and ticklish against his spine. 

They don't bother to put on their boxers again, because who has the energy to put on their boxers ever? He's curled up against Usnavi, pressed against his chest as he feels his heart beating against his cheek. Soft sheets allow him to hide as he presses himself into Usnavi's hold, desperate for intimacy, desperate for contact. Usnavi seems happy to sleep without a stitch of clothing on. 

"Breathe, Benjamin," Usnavi whispers, rubbing the back of his head. Benny heaves out one last time before he can choke out a few words.

"Please, Navi. Call me Benny."

Usnavi is surprisingly alright with it. He takes the suggestion and sticks to the nickname. It slips off his tongue like a song, a two syllable melody that brings him joy every morning he hears it, and melancholy every night he goes to bed with the farewell.  _ It just sticks. _

* * *

One night, Benny wants something. 

He doesn't know what, but Benny takes with passion, almost snarling into the couch cushion if he wasn't trying to stay quiet in the middle of the night. Thoughts are floating through his head as he tries to quell them, rapidly jerking his hand to drive out the ideas. He's a fucking insomniac. 

Usnavi hears the springs of his ratty couch creak that night. He comes in to help, because he's that great friend. Does the work for him, hand sweet and technique and small. A contrast to the large sloppiness of his, a better one. It rubs him in all the right places, a swipe of the thumb, a jerk of the wrist. Benny's groans fill the empty apartment, Usnavi's focus laser sharp. 

When he finishes, Usnavi arrives with a washcloth and a worried look. Somehow, the man isn't aroused, gently dabbing at the dried release splattered everywhere, including his hand. Usnavi cleans up the sweat on his brow, wiping at his overheated body with the cool towel.  _ It's so fucking refreshing.  _

"Hey," Benny starts, because they need to talk. Avoiding this will cause him to drift away. "What's up with you?"

Navi raises an eyebrow. "Nothing," he tells Benny. "I'm just helping you out. I don't want you to be cranky over a wank the next morning."

"Next morning, huh?" 

They look at the clock on the dresser with the mini TV, and it blares 1:30. Usnavi sucks in air through his teeth, wincing at the numbers. "I guess next morning is right now."

"You can go back to bed now," Benny tells him. "Thanks for…" He gestures. Usnavi grasps the idea.

"You don't wanna join me or anything?"

"Sleep with you?"

Usnavi smiles, and it's contagious as the moonlight illuminates his supple tan skin. "The offer's up, Benny. Just don't steal all the blankets."

A few hours later, he steals the rest of the blankets and Usnavi's slightly pissed in the morning at work. Not at Benny though - some douchebag who didn't pay enough and got away with it because he was too sleep deprived. It sure as hell feels like it's his fault, too.

Benny considers moving out sometime.

* * *

The next time, it is his fault.

Nina's already getting ready to leave for another year of college, and Lincoln's gone. So much has happened over time, and it feels like he might lose it. He even has his own apartment. 

Well scratch that. It doesn't feel like home anymore. 

He's back in Usnavi's apartment again for a small night of Netflix with absolutely  _ no chill,  _ even after all of this manifesto drama. Staring at the ceiling while his best friend hunches over his desk, rapidly clicking on his calculator. Listening to him whine about what he did. 

"You aren't whining Benny," he tells him, irritatedly rubbing the bridge of his nose. He's trying his hardest not to snap, but the chilly season is coming up and even Benny knows the bodega reaches a height of customers searching for coffee. Usnavi has an actual right to be stressed. 

Benny rolls over. "It felt nice. Having someone to hold for a while. Being stable for like, 8 hours."

Usnavi drops his pen on the desk, standing up. "Do you wanna…"

He gestures wildly, and Benny nods. With how quick Usnavi made the decision, he wonders how strung up he is. 

There's an unspoken understanding that Benny needs this. Usnavi unbuttons his shirt hastily as Benny slips out of his tank top, letting Usnavi rest on top of them. Both of them need the warmth of another human - to have and to hold. Benny idly bites at his neck as Usnavi grinds against him, woofs of breath against his shoulder.

"Y'know," Benny begins, and Usnavi perks his head up. "I might go speak to my mother."

"Don't talk about your mother while we do this," Usnavi jabs back, letting out a higher groan. Benny feels the insistent press of Usnavi's erection against his thigh, so he pushes higher, friction allowing Usnavi the ultimate pleasure. 

He whines hungrily, over and over until he finally pauses when Benny's knee digs into a particular area to climax. Usnavi's breathing heavily into the crook of his neck, searching for breath as Benny holds him. 

"Jesus," he hears him exasperatedly groan, stretching out like a cat over Benny. "That was fantastic." Usnavi then rolls off of Benny, hand reaching down to the hill in his pants, gently kneading it and allowing Benny some form of pleasure. 

"Don't you fucking dare to tease."

"You sound really cute like that."

When Usnavi reaches into his pants, Benny weeps, noise high in his throat as Usnavi rubs a thumb over the head. "Shh," he hears him sooth, other hand reaching under Benny to rub circles on his tummy. "I've got you."

Benny climaxes eventually, burrowing himself into Usnavi's gentle hold and clutching onto him like a lifeline. He hears him sobbing now, vibrating against him and painfully hitching from his throat. Usnavi runs a hand through his short curls, admires how they're growing out before pressing a small kiss to him.

Eventually, Benny stills, eyes shutting and breaths evening out. He seems to be asleep - Usnavi runs a thumb over his cheek to wipe away a tear - and something in his heart pangs of protectiveness and warmth and  _ love.  _ He could never hurt anyone, but in the single moment he'd punch anyone who would bring this man to tears. 

With Benny lying in his arms, Usnavi thinks he might need this too.

* * *

The next day, Benny speaks to his mother. It just feels right, to look to her for guidance. At the same time, her advice ended up  _ breaking his heart.  _

He opens the door, and she pulls him into a hug. Southern charm forces him to still call her  _ mama _ , but maybe it's the lost time they need to account for 5 years of lost time. Alma seems to know it too. 

So he tells her everything. About his new apartment, Nina, and the Rosarios. She makes some remark about Kevin Rosario when he pulls up a picture of the family on his phone, and it has them laughing for a moment just like they did in past times. He tells her about Usnavi as well. 

"Have you two done anything yet?"

Benny stares at his mother. "Done what now?"

Alma is dumbfounded at this point. "When you moved out, he took you in. He let you stay until you got an apartment, you frequent his little shop-"

"Bodega."

"Oh whatever," Alma brushes it off, gesturing wildly. "Have you guys done it yet?"

"Navi was kinda my first time."

_ Now that he thinks about it, he was. Always was. There's no meaning to it - he's just there.  _

Alma takes his hands, squeezes them in a motherly hold, maternal gaze in his eyes. "I know I held you back a long time ago, mijo, but this boy of yours loves you."

Benny stares at the floor. "I don't wanna ruin anything like I did with Nina or… you-"

"You won't, and you wanna know how I know?"

He stares up to look his mother in the eye, and her expression looks nostalgic. "I know he loves you because I used to hover over your father too. The best you could do is try not to break his heart."

They laugh for a bit, talking about Usnavi and his Usnavi-esque antics. It's sort of a blessing to go after him, is what he would call it. Benny wonders how much would end up different if he had his mother's guidance with the Rosarios. 

That night, when he leaves, Alma gives him two kisses on his cheeks and a tight hug, as well as a Tupperware full of lumpia and fried rice. "Mom, you don't have to," Benny counters, but she insists, shoving it in his arms. 

"Please don't forget to use protection!"

"Ma!"

* * *

It's Christmastime. 

Naturally, they would all get together at the Rosarios for a party, but after everything Lincoln's not exactly happily busting into the dispatch walkie talkies to invite him for Christmas, and the Rosarios aren't having dinner this year. Usnavi picked up Sonny from his uncle's, and Abuela (the newest addition to their little group) was ecstatic for a Christmas celebration - even Pete was coming. Of course, Benny was brought into it too. 

"You have no one to celebrate with!" Usnavi tells him in the morning (the painful truth). "Why don't you and your mother join us? Abuela would love to have her."

Benny smiles, taking his coffee and brushing their fingers together unintentionally. "I'll see what I can do."

Alma says that she'd like to come. In fact, she was already cooking up a storm of food - there's a pot of chicken adobo in the kitchen that would go amazing with the yellow rice Abuela makes. Benny gives her the address and invites her, out the door with a happy grin he hasn't had in ages.

That night, they're around the table saying grace. Sonny's made good friend's with his mom, animatedly speaking about the food she made, and Abuela's listening in to their conversation as the cookies in the oven fill the air with a sugary smell. Benny feels high - in a good way. 

Usnavi squeezes his hand to get his attention. "You alright?" he asks in a low voice, tender and soothing and almost private. Benny nods, flashing him a smile like usual. 

Alma calls for a toast. "To family," she tells them. "And to a future of great happenings, and-" she gestured her spoon towards Usnavi and Benny's seats, "the wonderful men who carry this family and each other."

Everyone claps around the table, clinking their glasses together. His heart pangs of joy and happiness and everything positive. 

Right next to him, Usnavi watches him, a dazed look on his face. 

* * *

Everyone gets presents from everyone. Benny got a small replica of a taxi cab from Abuela, and a T-shirt with really nice fabric from Pete. Sonny gets him a pleasant smelling cologne that emits a nice lavender and mont blanc scent, and Abuela gifts him with the most expensive thing he's ever held. 

"Count this as my blessing," she tells him, clicking the gold watch on his wrist. Benny, strangely, feels honored that she would do such a thing.

Later that night, he finds Usnavi out on the fire escape, probably brooding. They probably need to talk, so he grabs two cups of hot chocolate and a blanket to keep them warm out there. 

"Hey," Benny greeted him," and Usnavi turned around quickly. Smiling, he scooted over to give some space to Benny.

Offering the drink to Usnavi, he sat himself close to him, stuck to his side to avoid the chill. Usnavi curled up next to him, chilly against the warmth of his body. 

"Y'know," he started. "I find it crazy how fast time has passed."

Benny hums in response, resting his head on Usnavi's. "It's like yesterday was summer. We were still dancing around and heading to clubs and… Benny?"

They're so close now. Face to face, breaths visible in the air. Benny takes his freezing shaky hands in his, brings them to his lips, eyes stuck on Usnavi's. An expression akin to the one he gives him in the morning makes its way onto Usnavi's face, vulnerable and soft. Lips softly parting. 

"I…"

He parts away from Usnavi's knuckles, rubbing his thumbs over them. "Yeah," Benny breathes out. "It's always been you."

They press their foreheads together, Usnavi shutting his eyes as he lets Benny hold him closer. "You've been there for me so much, and I'd just love to be there for you too."

Usnavi smiles, pulling him into a warm hug. Benny's scarf is soft against his cheeks. He's in  _ bliss.  _

"You know my mom asked about us," Benny told him. "She was all,  _ are you guys a thing already?!  _ when I went to see her. And it turns out she's right."

"I've touched your dick, Benny. I think we're way past the dating spectrum."

"Are we now?"

There's a moment, before Benny tugs him into a kiss, pressing their lips together in a heated embrace. Everything's warm despite the chill in the air - there's the sound of Sonny and Pete's Uno game, Abuela and Alma's karaoke session - and Usnavi's in Benny's arms, warm and comfortable. It's almost unbelievable. 

"Maybe we can head inside," Usnavi offers. "You and your mom can stay over tonight. It's slippery tonight."

Benny picks him up. "I'll gladly take the offer."

Eventually, he'll find himself in a heated game of Uno as he listens to Usnavi's crappy karaoke. It isn't too crappy to him - half drunk and high on young love. Watching him yell into the microphone. 

Benny thinks he could learn how to love. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! find me on tumblr @yo-let-me-get-a-milkyway.


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